Beyond A Goodbye: How to Create a Meaningful Graveside Service

From our experience we have found that cremation trends and changing attitudes toward the value of traditional services have often left families struggling to plan meaningful graveside services. With traditional burial there is often a finite amount of time between the funeral service and the burial, whereas with cremation a considerable length of time can pass between the funeral and the burial, inurnment or scattering. After this time elapses families may find it especially difficult to plan a graveside burial service because they are working without the guidance of a funeral professional. Families can feel uneasy about the order and flow of the service and may find it particularly daunting to try and reconcile traditional rituals with their own unique style. Creating a meaningful graveside service does not mean doing away with tradition. There is value in traditional rituals as they provide us with comfort and reassurance when dealing with the unfamiliar. However, tradition alone may seem inadequate when it is not relevant to the deceased. You can use personalization to enhance traditional rituals to create a powerful, memorable and meaningful service. Whether it is traditional burial, cremation burial, inurnment or scattering you can integrate your loved one’s unique story into your graveside service.

To help families plan a meaningful graveside burial, cremation or scattering service we have compiled an array of ideas that will hopefully be of assistance.

• Urn/Casket Personalization: Using a personal item or keepsake, like a teapot, cookie jar or jewellery box as an urn is a great way to include personalization in the service. Or consider choosing an urn or casket with a certain theme like fishing or nature to showcase your loved one’s personality. You can also decorate the cremation container or casket with personal messages and artwork to further personalize your service.
• Flowers: Funeral flowers come in many colours, shapes and designs. Consider incorporating a certain colour or overall theme, like a hobby, sport, talent or job to showcase your loved one’s personality. For example if your loved one liked to knit ask the florist to incorporate knitting needles and balls of yarn into the floral display.
• Memorial Photos or Personal Artwork: Displaying memorial photos or pieces of artwork created by or for your loved one is a way for others to connect to your loved one’s story. Try thinking of interesting and unique ways to display the photographs/artwork. Also consider asking funeral mourners to bring and share photos and accompanying stories during the service or have younger children participate by holding photographs or works of art.
• Lighting Candles: Bring candles for mourners to hold. Have a family member light the first candle and then share the flame with others.
• Poems, Quotes, Stories and Sayings: Share your loved one’s favourite poems, quotes, stories, scripture, jokes or sayings. Incorporating these into a eulogy is also an eloquent way for you to express your feelings about your loved one.
• Music: Music can evoke many memories and emotions. Playing a favourite song or having a friend play a song on a guitar/musical instrument can be very moving. For many having a bagpiper, pipe in the procession or during the service is also a meaningful send off.
• Bubbles: This is an eco-friendly alternative to dove or butterfly releases. These symbolic gestures serve as a physical act of “letting go”. Have mourners blow bubbles during a part of the service. This is also a great way to get younger children involved in the service.
• Passing out favourite candy/gum/coffee/tea/trinkets/beverages: Perhaps your loved one always enjoyed a certain candy bar or collected a certain item, consider passing them out at the service so everyone can participate and share in their memory. If your loved one was a baker, try baking their favourite treat and providing mourners with a copy of the recipe. Maybe your loved one was a gardener; you could hand out tree seedlings or seed packets that mourners can take home and plant in memory of your loved one.
• Celebrant/Clergy Member: A celebrant can speak on behalf of your family and offer an alternative to traditional clergy when you are not affiliated with a particular religion. They can design a personalized funeral service that highlights your loved one’s unique story. If you are affiliated with a particular religion you can incorporate traditions of your religion or have a member of the clergy deliver the funeral service.
• Surround the Urn/Casket with Treasured Items: You can place items that are significant to the deceased in, around or draped over the urn/casket when it is on display. Maybe they were a veteran; consider draping a flag or placing a poppy. Did they collect something special, have a hobby, or love a certain sport, these items that your loved one cherished when placed with the urn/casket can be very symbolic of the life you shared with your loved one.
• A Memory Table/Memory Board: If the site allows consider setting up a memory table/ board with a photo of your loved one and share some of their favourite things.
• Memorial Stone Station: If the site allows consider setting up a table with a vase, stones and a permanent marker. Allow guests to write a personal message, word or story of your loved one on a stone and place it in the vase. This can serve as an alternative to a traditional guest book. These can later be enjoyed by the family after the service and placed in a garden, in a shadow box or somewhere in the home. If you don’t like the idea of using stones try using a special piece of clothing or other special item that can later be displayed.
• Dress: It can be a very stunning visual expression of love to ask those in attendance to wear your loved one’s favourite colour or type of clothing that uniquely identified them like a scarf, tie, socks, boots, etc. Did your loved one have a favourite sports team consider wearing their jersey/colours. Maybe they loved superheroes, dress in costume or a hunter and dress in camouflage the options are endless.
• Vehicle Procession: Using a special vehicle to transport the urn/casket or having a procession made up of special vehicles can make a powerful statement for this part of your loved one’s final journey. Perhaps your loved one was a motorcycle enthusiast consider a motorcycle hearse or procession. Maybe they loved old cars or were a tow truck driver or a transport trucker, these types of vehicles can be used during your loved one’s service to signify your loved one’s story.

The options for planning a meaningful graveside service are virtually limitless. Rest assured the personal touches you make to enhance your loved one’s graveside service do not have to be extravagant; sometimes the most meaningful services involve the simplest gestures. When you combine traditional rituals with creative, personal expressions of love you can honour the memory of your loved one and create a truly meaningful service.

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